I got as far as 6 - I think these may be plenty for me.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Thoughts of Christmas, pass
What, I started to say - I didn't mean to, it slipped out. It was not something I thought I'd hear anyone say aloud.
Why - are you sure - do you really want to?
Yes, its what I want, it will bring me peace and thats what I want, to get away from all of this.
It will stop everything for you I said, its not peace its just nothing. The lack of peace will continue, all of it will continue, its only that bit of life that we call you that will stop.
Its what I want, not to see the lack of peace, the pain, not to feel the pain for it to stop calling me in the night and in the day.
Well, if its what you want I said then its your choice. If you'd come to me to talk you out of it I might have tried - I don't suppose its actually a cry for help is it? do you want me to listen and care and talk you out of it do you?
No, I don't want you to talk me out of it, I want you to want it for me - I know you are listening and caring and its the difference between the caring in the middle of me and the pain in the middle of me that helps me know I need peace. Its because I see it all, I've stood back and seen things for how they are. This is the choice I want and I know that, deep inside, in the love for me that you hold, that you want it too.
And, as we kept talking we agreed, I'd talked myself into it. It was just the when and the how - at least, alone, I wouldn't get into any bother.
With my now enthusiastic agreement we would be at peace.
And now, as then, it was both love and hate and the beauty in my heart that stopped me. I loved you so dearly and hated you for stopping me being at peace as you were. Tears, they never stop, peace never comes, time changes everything but time itself and today, like everyday is my last. That is the door, all is as it is -
Happy Christmas once again.
Why - are you sure - do you really want to?
Yes, its what I want, it will bring me peace and thats what I want, to get away from all of this.
It will stop everything for you I said, its not peace its just nothing. The lack of peace will continue, all of it will continue, its only that bit of life that we call you that will stop.
Its what I want, not to see the lack of peace, the pain, not to feel the pain for it to stop calling me in the night and in the day.
Well, if its what you want I said then its your choice. If you'd come to me to talk you out of it I might have tried - I don't suppose its actually a cry for help is it? do you want me to listen and care and talk you out of it do you?
No, I don't want you to talk me out of it, I want you to want it for me - I know you are listening and caring and its the difference between the caring in the middle of me and the pain in the middle of me that helps me know I need peace. Its because I see it all, I've stood back and seen things for how they are. This is the choice I want and I know that, deep inside, in the love for me that you hold, that you want it too.
And, as we kept talking we agreed, I'd talked myself into it. It was just the when and the how - at least, alone, I wouldn't get into any bother.
With my now enthusiastic agreement we would be at peace.
And now, as then, it was both love and hate and the beauty in my heart that stopped me. I loved you so dearly and hated you for stopping me being at peace as you were. Tears, they never stop, peace never comes, time changes everything but time itself and today, like everyday is my last. That is the door, all is as it is -
Happy Christmas once again.
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