Boil me honey honey kill me.

Why is the boiling of my nerves not killing the butterflies in boots as I remember the thought: couldn't I be dead, just for a while.... just sleep like death and wake up when all is clear and forgotten - when I look at things straight on they look quite fine but in the shadows and in the corner of my eye there seems to be... I wish it would attack, smother and kill me or just stop.