Panic, Wales and Driving

I was pleased with myself this week. I managed to drive to Wales (about 280 miles from where I live) without having a major panic attack while driving. Felt a bit odd at times but nothing big or heartstoppingly terrifying!

This marks quiet an improvement since starting on the citrolopram. Before taking it I had to take several propanadol (beta-blokers) to be able to drive at all - and, if you have taken them you will know that staying awake after just 2 40mg propanadol is pretty hard going.... so not the best way to be when driving.

Wales is splendidly beutiful - rocks and rivers, waterfalls and flowers. Children loved it. My partner's mother's cooking is unusual; but we were blessed, she did not cook. In a way though I miss the looks we have to exchange while lifting a fork of indescribably, indescribable, stuff (the like of which I cannot describe) to our mouths.... hoping that we can wash it down quickly enough with harsh red wine that it does not leave a taste, of any sort, to linger.

I returned to work today. Got in late. Decided to have longer in bed and to see the children before heading in. It had clearly been a bad idea to go on leave.

All sorts of mad panic was happening - three different sets of people all demanding immediate briefing for the top boss all at the same time. One of them had asked for a "detailed" briefing on all of the points that he might need to cover in a particularly difficult meeting. I had prepared something that I considered covered all the points at a reasonible level of detail - 4 sides of type covering issues that had been in the press, legal action against us, legal duties, postive points to say etc. Today, I was asked to cut this to less than a single sheet of paper and to do so by 12 - it was 11:50.

Just 2 days out of the office and 300 e-mails sitting there - not one single one junk as my filters work very well - just 6 saying that I had urgent voicemail messages. These all turned out to be people who had seen my "out of office" message on my e-mail and who had decided that I would be more "in the office" if they called and left a phone message and that this would make it more likely that I would respond.

Oddly, only one person decided to call me on my mobile while I was on leave. To ask the exact date by which we were due to hit a target that we have not a hope in hell of meeting within 10 years of the date..... I could not remember if it was 31 March 08 or 1 April 08 and pointed out the "not a hope in hell" factor and said that it did not matter much either way - this was said to be unprofessional.

And, I am pleased to say that all of this only left me minorly angry and irritated. I think that a few weeks ago all of this - and these are only the highlights of the day - might have been enough to send me spinning into a right mess....

So, the pills are working - hooobloodyray.